Are Women More Attracted to Men Who Court Them with Humor?


taken from Gil Greengross, Ph.D.

Imagine that you are a woman, sitting alone in a bar. A young attractive man at a table next to you is joking with his friends and making them laugh. After a few minutes his friends leave and he approaches you, asking for your telephone number so he can take you on a date at a later time. Would you be persuaded by him? And what if the guy had been laughing at his friends' jokes but not telling any himself?
This is exactly what 60 young women (ages 20-26) had to decide in a clever study conducted by Nicolas Guéguen. Guéguen is a French researcher who does great ecologically valid experiments on various topics. Most research done in the social sciences is conducted in laboratory settings where people have to fill out questionnaires about how they would act in different situations. This leads to some biases, and that is why testing real behaviors in real situations is important for understanding the true nature of people.

Guéguen wanted to test whether humor enhances mate desirability. There is mounting evidence that a sense of humor is a very desirabletrait when choosing a mate, and more so for women, but relatively few studies have looked at women's reactions to a man with a great sense of humor approaching them.So, did women find the humorous man more attractive? Yes, they did. In fact, women were three times more likely to give their phone number to the confederate who told the jokes, compared to the confederate who did not. The humorous men were also considered more attractive, intelligent, funny and sociable, although only the latter two were statistically significant differences.The effect of a great sense of humor on women's attractions might be partially explained by the fact that funny people are considered to be more social and more intelligent, things that women seek in a mate, but all other things being equal, funny men seem to attract more women.

What about the courtship behaviors of women? Can humor help women attract men? Generally, physical beauty would be the most important factor that would drive a man to initiate contact with a woman. However, not all is lost. Smiling is one of the most important signals that women can direct at men to show their interest. Studies in the past showed, for example, that the distance between a man and a woman in an elevator decreases if the woman enters the elevator smiling.

Guéguen did another study where an average-looking female confederate went into a bar and made eye contact with a guy sitting alone. In half of the cases she smiled towards him, and in the other half she didn't (the decision whether to smile or not was random). One hundred men participated in this study. When the woman smiled, the number of men who approached her was 5 times more compared to the men she didn't smile at (11 vs. 2 men). Even if the men did not approach the woman, the men who got a smile glanced at the woman for 7 seconds as opposed to only 2 seconds when she did not smile at them.

So it seems pretty clear that all a woman has to do to increase her attractiveness is to smile at a man, while men have to work hard trying to impress women with jokes.

Macam mana nak jumpa Mr.Right/ Miss Right?

Although not widely discussed or talked openly, marriage is a high priority in our Malaysian
 Muslim society. In fact it is one of the highest priority in being a Muslim since it is wajib and not fardhu.

I think many women reach a stalemate (jalan buntu) situation once they reach the age of 30. Searching a soul mate is not an easy quest, the wiser we become with age, the many questions arise, questioning security, stability, happiness, money and so forth. A lot of soul searching comes with it too, like 'Allah why haven't I found someone?', 'Why am I still not married?' Some blame others, like their parents, friends, work etc. However, at the end of the day, it comes back to you.

Ini mungkin antara faktor yang menahan anda dari mencari pasangan dan apa anda boleh buat untuk memberi diri anda peluang untuk berkenalan atau untuk jumpa pasangan anda.

1) Berhenti dari membiarkan hubungan lama anda untuk mempengaruhi hubungan baru.
Ramai orang suka buat comparison (berbezaan) tentang hubungan mereka yang lepas. Contohnya antara mereka yang berjumpa saya akan beritahu...."Maya, I tak nak yang below 40. My experience dengan lelaki yang below 30 ni, diorang tak mature,clingy, tak tahu apa yang diorang nak"....ada juga yang kata " Maya, please carikan I someone yang macam ex I" (a guy asked me this). I even asked the guy to get over the fact that his ex is married and that he will mostlikely never meet anyone like her and only and if only dia betul2 over that, he can come back to me and ask to be introduced to someone. Maybe just maybe, korang perasan tak yang you are stuck in a cycle? Keep falling for the same type of people?So, how to break it? Mungkin cuba berkenalan dengan orang yang opposite dari apa yang you want. Fikir balik, adakah anda asyik berjumpa orang jenis yang sama?Kesedaran/awareness is the key here.

2) Jangan settle for less.
Ramai orang, bukan di Malaysia saja, mat salleh pun sama...menerima hakikat yang anda takkan jumpa Mr.Right /Miss Right. Kita dah ada mind set yang di ajar dari generasi ke generasi yang kadang2 kita kena terima apa yang ada depan kita. Mungkin ianya ok sekarang, tetapi fikirkan 10 tahun dari sekarang bila anda lihat pasangan anda dan tidak merasa sebarang perasaan, kemarahan atau sesuatu kekosongan. Cuma ingat, jangan berfikiran negatif, selalu fikirkan yang anda akan berjumpa sebab bila anda merasakan anda tidak akan langsung berjumpa Mr.Right/Miss Right anda atau peluang sangat tipis, anda sebenarnya menutup peluang anda sendiri dari berjumpa dan akan menanam perasaan anda tidak akan berjumpa dengan dia. Dan, kadang2 Mr.Right/Miss Right kita tak semestinya perfect macam kita nak, jadi berilah mereka peluang.

3)Anda selalu complain tentang lelaki (kalau perempuan), dan perempuan (kalau anda lelaki).
Ini pulak habit dari kecil yang terbawa-bawa hingga ke dewasa. Mungkin anda ada kawan2 yang juga kaki complain tentang lelaki/perempuan...jadi bila bercerita seronok sahaja sebab kawan2 sependapat. But be careful what you wish for! Lagi selalu kita kata secara tidak sedar anda program subconscious mind anda untuk percaya apa yang anda kata. Jika anda boleh fikirkan seorang lelaki/perempuan yang tidak ada apa2 kriteria yang anda complain, insyaAllah anda mungkin boleh jumpa Mr.Right/Miss Right anda.

4.Anda fikir soulmate cuma dalam movie...atau rasa soulmate anda tak exist.
Ini berkait dengan cerita tadi. Bila anda fikir si dia tak ada dalam dunia ni...anda dah tutup semua possibility. Bila jumpa orang baru pun nanti subconscious anda akan kata..tapi dia ni tak ada apa yang i nak...walaupun anda sebenarnya sukakan orang tu tapi sebab anda selalu rasa/katakan tak ada, anda rasa dia bukan yang anda mahukan. Dah melepas:( Ingat, believe yang Mr.Right/Miss Right exist, then will only he or she walk through your door.






Soalan-soalan yang patut anda tanya bakal pasangan anda - bahagian 3

Rumah

  • Apakah perasaan anda tentang kebersihan rumah,kekemasan rumah dan kerja rumah?
  • Siapa bertanggung jawab untuk menjaga rumah?
  • Apakah kerja rumah yang biasa anda lakukan?
  • Pernahkah anda tinggal sendiri?Pernahkah awak tinggal bersama kawan2? Adakah anda hanya pernah tinggal bersama ibubapa kamu?
  • Apa perasaan anda mengenai haiwan peliharaan?kucing, burung, ikan dll.
  • Apakah jenis makanan pilihan anda? makanan melayu?western?makanan yg masak dari rumah sahaja?makanan yg mudah? masakan dari restaurant2 terkemuka?
  • Kalau anda berdua telah kahwin dan pulang waktu yg sama, adakah si isteri yang perlu masak?
  • Apakah perasaan anda tentang rokok?
Perbezaan
  • Apakah benda2 kecil yg buat anda marah/kisah?
  • Bagaimanakah harus ketidakfahaman di selesaikan?


Doa supaya suami tak kahwin lain

Surah taha 109 
يَوْمَئِذٍ لَّا تَنفَعُ الشَّفَاعَةُ إِلَّا مَنْ أَذِنَ لَهُ الرَّحْمَنُ وَرَضِيَ لَهُ قَوْلاً
Maksudnya:
Pada hari itu, tidak berfaedah syafaat (dari dan kepada sesiapapun) kecuali dari orang yang diizinkan oleh Allah yang melimpah-limpah rahmatNya, dan kepada orang yang diredai perkataannya.
Baca 3-5x lepas solat...ikhtiar...

How not to get rejected by men – stop being desperate


Desperation comes from something that you have no control or knowledge over.I guess it's something like this:  You meet a guy you like…you go out with him. Had a nice time and he says that he will call you but he never does.  Then you start over analysing and come out with the most preposterous reasons in the world why he didn't call. So, in the attempt to get his attention (assuming you have his email/number etc)you then buy him gifts, send him cards, send emails every 1 hour to ask how things are going. You think this will surely show him that you care and like him. He, in the other hand, feels you are smothering him, suffocating him and mommy-ing him – which he obvious doesn't want.

What you can do: Balance your life. DO NOT become too focus or obsess over one guy who does not call after going out with you or text to say ‘thank you, I had a good time’ or ‘it was nice having dinner with you. Hope you arrived safely’. Instead, take control of your life because that is the only thing you can control.  Value other things in life - like your family, friends, work, hobbies and so forth. If you can show a man that you a confident woman, who cares about all aspects of her life, a good conversationalist and is laid back with men, they may spark some interest towards you. Plus why would we want to waste time with men who we want a romantic relationship with, who doesn't even know how to say thank you?

(Perasan tak why certain men are attracted to married women? Ini universal truth…married women are more calm and are not desperate and of course other reasons for the men, kalau apa2 diorang tak payah nak commit. Basically, diorang nak fool around je.)

How to know you are the desperate type
 I know what is desperate and I know when a woman is desperate. I talk to these women most of the time. How do I know they (you) are desperate?
You think too much ahead. You just met the guy and you are already planning 6 months ahead of your relationship or even your wedding.”Maya tak apa, I tak bertunang pun tak apa. Simple wedding pun ok, senang for both sides. Yang penting I dapat kahwin”. Inilah antara jawapan yang saya dapat. Not that I am against it, but I am sure any parents, you yourself or even your future partner want a decent wedding. And yang penting bukanlah hanya "I dapat kahwin". The wedding that you would want is the one that you can share with friends and family, not just a get by wedding because you don't want to burden the guy. (Don't you think that your man should at least give you a wedding to remember of as a sign of his appreciation, love and wanting to spend his life with you?*we are not talking about Will's and Kate's wedding here ok?Even a man who enters an arranged marriage should give the woman he marries a decent wedding. Ni just my 2 cents).
Men sense desperation miles away and they are terrified of it. Men don’t think the same as women. Their needs are not the same as women. You need to re-think their needs from a man’s emotional standpoint.
Men don’t want to feel that they are responsible for your happiness. Take steps to keep yourself in better control of your life so that you are less panicky thinking about your future.

What are the things that a man notice when women are desperate?
You try to impress too much. You laugh at their jokes even when it’s not funny; you want to do everything for them, talk too much or you agree to pretty much everything they think of.

When you talk to a man, stay calm. There is no need to talk too much just because there is a silent moment in your conversation. Silent moments do happen, when it does, relax and simply move on…and jangan cerita pasal your last relationship because you don't know what to say.Jangan cerita. Zip it. That chapter is over and no man wants to hear about some lame guy from your past (we’ll talk about that some other time).

Try to focus on other areas of your life, have the lifestyle that you really want. Become an interesting person that other people want to know about. By doing this, you put yourself in control of your own happiness – and InsyaAllah men will naturally want to know more about you.